Thor (2011)

My first association with Thor came when I was just a kid. My comic-book loving brother had Marvel characters galore coating his walls and I used to stare at them with no comprehension of who they all really were. The first time I could put a name to a face, though, came from "Adventures in Babysitting" - a classic of our times - while little Sara wore a Thor helmet and mistook a car dealer for her hero.

I remember very well when this movie was released. I was working full-time at my college bookstore. There were two TVs behind our desk that would generally play ads for my school, and the occasional BYU-appropriate trailer. I watched the trailer for "Thor" over a dozen times before I saw it that summer. I pretentiously talked to my coworkers about Kenneth Branagh and how excited I was to see what the distinguished English actor/director of Henry V would bring to the table. I didn't know much then, and I don't know much now but I sure enjoyed pretending to know more about movies than my peers. I remember loving it the first time I saw it and I was very curious to see how the movie would hold up seeing it 6 years later.

Thor is the god of thunder. The son of Odin, king of Asgard, a land somewhere lost in time and space.  Once upon a time, Asgard and the Frost Giants were at war where the blue, snowy creatures wanted dominion over the nine realms, including our blessed Earth. When Asgard blew them over,  the Asgardians took their little ice trophy, the Casket of Ancient Winters.

In the present, Thor (Chris Hemsworth) is about to assume the throne over his adopted brother Loki (Tom Hiddleston). Those same frozen creatures come and ruin his big day by trying to steal back their casket. Thor throws a whiny tantrum, thinks he’s king already, and decides to take matters into his own hands and starts up some war again with their frosty neighbors. Odin (Anthony Hopkins) realizes that Thor is acting like a child and unfit for the throne. So Thor is banished to Earth without powers or the ability to wield his hammer. Things get worse upstairs when Odin has some kind of stressed-induced heart attack and falls into his get-better “Odinsleep.” Loki takes over as king and he wants to run things a little differently. Thor meets a woman, is confronted with war again and must face his brother to save everyone from war. Or something.

This story is passable, but I don't think it's terribly strong.

It is not an easy task to melange with Norse mythology - if only because the characters are inherently uninteresting. Thor has no notable personality traits and it seems like a stretch for this distant war to come to such a front in rural New Mexico. It also seems unlikely that Thor would magically grow up and turn into a suitable king over night because he met some ~nice people and a pretty lady. I can see what they were going for, but I'm not convinced. Maybe I'm just not buying the changed-by-a-woman-I-just-met-yesterday plot device any longer. Hemsworth brings a sort of suave charm to the character that is delightful, but it feels like something is lacking in the middle in order for us to appreciate the leader he becomes.

Loki, on the other hand, was the best developed out of anyone else in the ensemble. His disturbed countenance and spark of evil are well portrayed by Hiddleston, and his deep confusion and eagerness to please no matter the cost are tragically relatable. He's compelling because of the evident inner sadness that any sibling living in shadow can understand. 

With time has brought age to the CGI and no it isn't like cheese or wine. 6 years doesn't sit well with a land exclusively built in developing technology. Asgard - while well designed and well thought-out - looks now like a video game tutorial with the audience searching for Mario to cross the treacherous Rainbow Road. It has the air of a heavenly setting, but it looks like something I would see in Hyrule, not in Norse mythology.

While the fish out of water story isn't new by any means, I do find myself highly entertained watching Chris Hemsworth down like 20 pop tarts. This whole section of the movie is fun and light and brought the best moments for the popcorn. The lovely Natalie Portman plays the storm-chasing researcher Jane Foster and she's fine, as always. I quite liked her, even if their romance feels contrived.

We’ve also got things to get us more pumped for "The Avengers"  – Agent Coulson (Clark Gregg) plays a bigger role than in previous Avenger-precursors. S.H.I.E.L.D. is all over the place trying to figure out that damn hammer, stuck in the ground like Excalibur. The intrigue ever-builds for the mega-mashup coming the following year and watching these again later does lose some of that edge, but it's an entertaining film nonetheless.

6/10

Hook (1991)

BANG-A-RANG.

I am on a nostalgia run. Perks of living at home and having all-day access to DVR. Man, this movie brings me back. It's as old as I am! #birthmovies. It definitely fell into the "most-quoted" category when I was eight. And the quotes aren't even that good... "I've just had an apostrophe." "I believe in fairies!" "Lookie lookie I've got Hookie!" "You need a mother very badly!"

Let's talk about Peter Pan for a sec. Well, to put it frankly, I don't really like it. Him. The book. The play. The story. Neverland. Wendy. I don't like those things. I like the IDEA of Peter Pan. Kind of. I mean, I listen to everything Dumbledore says, and he told Harry once, "It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live." But I guess if everyone listened to that advice, Disneyland would go bankrupt. And I suppose the moral of the story is that Neverland can't last for never. For ever. And that we have to grow up sometime. Just Peter Pan... doesn't. And Wendy is just annoying. Seriously, she's annoying.

But what if Peter Pan did grow up? Steven Spielberg's Hook does everything I could have ever wanted with the Peter Pan story. Because in Hook, Pan's grown up. Pan is Robin Williams. And Pan has completely forgotten his adventures in Neverland and turned into Mr. Darling all-work-no-play-no-time-for-kids as an acquisitions lawyer. He's married to Wendy's granddaughter Moira (Caroline Goodall) and has two kids Jack (Charlie Korsmo), and Maggie (Amber Scott). He's not, like, father of the year or anything and his boy Jack kinda hates him. But when Pan left Neverland, he REALLY left. He left it so hard, he doesn't even know how to connect with kids least of all his own, and money has now become more important to him than adventures.

So then there's Hook. I mean Captain James Hook. The one armed-pirate person. The nefarious villain. Well, he steals Jack and Maggie right outa their bedroom and takes them straight on 'till morning. What sparks this? What bring Peter Pan's arch-enemy to go all thief-in-the-night and kidnap two innocent kids? Because he's not over this relationship, obviously. He wants the immature, won't-mature 12-year-old who tortured Hook and his goons for years to suffer, to die even. But CATCH. Hook's under the assumption that he and Pan are going to go at it for old times sake, laugh over hand-eating crocodiles while drinking margaritas (Petey's of age now) and put on a sword-show for his drunk pirate-band. Yeah, Peter can't remember anything. He can't fight. He can't fly. And he can't crow. Hook won't fight Peter like this. But he also won't abandon his plans to send him to his doom. So he gives Peter 3 days to get himself ready and rekindle some of the old green-tights pizazz.

Everything that I don't like about Peter Pan is brought full circle in Hook. My favorite scene is the brief re-cap of Peter's transformation from the boy who never grew up to the boy who did. We watch him deal with his fear of death by postponing it in Neverland. We see the sadness that came over young Pan when he realizes his mother forgot about him. We see him get sad again as he watches Wendy get older and turned from Gwenyth Paltrow into Maggie Smith. We see him give a real kiss to Wendy's granddaughter, and ultimately abandon his life in Neverland for the opportunity to be a father.

COME ON, IT KIND OF GIVES ME THE FEELS.

Everything that Peter learned in Neverland about adventure and love was forgotten in his corporate life. His return to Neverland reminded him why he left in the first place and why that was more important than anything else in the whole world. Hook is a charming fantasy that focuses on the important things.

All of these feel-good things would be nothing without the star-power performances of Julia Roberts as Tinkerbell, Maggie Smith (classy with a side of phenomenal) Robin Williams, Charlie Korsmo (Minnesota REPRESENT), Bob Hoskins as Smee and especially Dustin Hoffman as the Hook himself. Seriously, this movie deserves a watch if only for the Hoff Man. Animated Hook is a coward. Hoff Man Hook is a BAMF. He's a conniving, twisted, manipulative, clever, EVIL villain and that dufus smile of his just doesn't leave. Also, Robin Williams is pretty cool.

Perhaps this isn't Spielberg's greatest blockbuster - but I don't think it was meant to be. It's a hook. We all want to know what would happen if Peter Pan grew up. Perhaps some of the fairy tale's original magic is lost, but we're checking out Never Never Land through the eyes of a blinded adult. Only when Peter starts to figure things out do the colors and magic come out. (That being said, what IS that food they eat supposed to be ANYWAY?) I saw this movie as a child. And nothing trumps nostalgia. PAN IS BACK. 8/10

Twilight (2008)

This is totally a bandwagon endeavor.  But with all of the Breaking Dawn hype, I’ve decided that I need to get a move on the Twilight series.  Yeah, I read all of the books, I thought Twilight was super gripping and stuff until it blew up America.  And by America I mean the world.  Man, Stephanie Meyer is the worst best thing to have come out of my hood.

With that, I’m only just getting to watching the movies.  Word on the street is they still suck, but I don’t want to be that girl that never watches something only because it’s popular.  Even though I actually abhor everything to do with the Vampire/Werewolf/Human love triangle.  But hey, I’m a cinephile so I gots to watch ‘em all.

Catherine Hardwicke’s Twilight takes place in the dark, dreary town of Forks, Washington.  Our leading lady is the clumsy, supposed-to-be-not-that-pretty-but-is-actually-pretty-hot Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart).  Well, she would be hot if her face did something other than grimace or pout.  She’s the new girl in town straight out of Phoenix, Arizona (sans tan) here to live with her pops Charlie Swan, the local sheriff (Billy Burke).  Charlie is the only solid character of the bunch, he’s got a sound mind and is trying his hardest to be a good dad to his estranged daughter.

Bella starts at her new school mid-year.  What would predictably be a rocky beginning as the typical “new girl in town outcast” turns out to be a refreshingly smooth transition.  Bella eases her way into a group of nice (and normal) kids who gossip and joke and accept her as their friend.  Her long face is inexplicable, but apparently something isn’t right.  She eyes the strange and beautiful Cullen family with piqued interest as her friend Jessica (Anna Kendrick) gawks over Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson), but encourages Bella to steer clear.  No one really talks to the Cullens.  They keep to themselves.

But apparently Bella can’t be content with a normal life.  She is mesmerized with the not so beautiful Edward Cullen.  She has never met anyone like him before.  The way he stares at her is so penetrating, as though he sees directly into her soul.  Lucky for both of them, she finds this more attractive than creepy.  Her fight to be different is grossly rewarded when her person of interest turns out to be a vampire, and she’s totally into it.

As I was watching this, I couldn’t help but think to myself, “Did I really like this book?”  Because I did.  It’s like literary cocaine, I read ’till all hours of the night and couldn’t curb my addiction.  But seriously, there was actually something appealing to this ridiculous vampire stuff?  Because sorry twi-hards, I am not digging it.

First of all, if you take out all the vampire/mystical stuff, it is nothing more than a formulaic teenage 
lust love story and a guy who has abstinence issues.  And WHAT is up with Kristen Stewart & Robert Pattinson?  They seem to have a really good time staring at each other, though Stewart always looks like she’s suffering from manic depression and Pattinson that he’s going to throw up.  Neither can act.  And Pattinson seemed to lose every feature that I found attractive when he played Cedric Diggory in the fourth Harry Potter film.

The dialogue is atrocious.  “You better hold on tight, spider monkey.”  A fourth grader could write a better screenplay.  The special effects are mediocre at best, though the film was produced on a very low budget.  And these vampires are nothing like the vampires of yesteryear.  Contrary to popular belief, daylight does not disintegrate our fanged friends, it only causes them to SPARKLE (another testament of high-school effects).

The relationship between Edward & Bella is, well, crazy.  Their romance blooms because Edward WANTS TO DRINK HER BLOOD.  He thinks she SMELLS good, much like my Subway sandwich smells good.  Who dates (and by date, I mean stare at) a guy that is attracted to her based on how good he thinks she would taste if he were to kill her?  But she’s cool with it, because he’s one of the good guys, a vampire vegetarian if you will.

I think what is really missing from the book is the depth to Bella’s character.  Kristen Stewart does not portray the complexities nor the inner turmoil that Bella suffers with in the book.  Though my opinion quickly changes in the Twilight sequels, Bella was a pretty good character in the first book.  She wasn’t perfect, and the average girl could relate to her and dream about having a similar fantastic romance.

Twilight will no doubt satisfy its rabid fans, and teenage girls across the world will always drool over Edward.  And if you’re one of those peeps, go knock yourself out.  But, if you appreciate something deeper, Twilight is missable.  3/10

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince (2009)

And so it goes on, and the adventures of Harry Potter are just getting better.  Sick of hearing about him already?  Too bad.

Now that Voldy let the cat out of the bag that he’s returned, wizards are on the alert and Death Eaters are becoming more and more conspicuous, attacking people and wreaking havoc left and right in the Muggle AND Wizarding World.  Harry’s back for his sixth year at school and he’s more buddy buddy with Dumbledore than he ever has been – if possible.  He’s got Harry taking “Voldemort lessons” and the two of them learn about the dark wizard’s haunting past.  Meanwhile, besides Harry’s night job with the headmaster, his sixth year at Hogwarts isn’t at all boring.  Snape’s finally made it as the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Harry is a master at potions with a little help from his mysterious second-hand textbook, and word on the street is that Draco’s the latest member of Death Eater club… and he’s crying in the bathroom.  Oh, and he’s supposed to kill Dumbledore.

I have seen every Harry Potter movie in the theater, most on opening day, some at midnight, but Half Blood Prince came out while I lived in Tahiti.  So I saw it in French.  And if a movie can still be entertaining in FRENCH, then it’s got to be a pretty good movie.  Then, when I finally saw it in English, tears were flooding left and right and I was, to put it lightly, blown away.

Here’s what I love about this installment.  It takes its time.  It’s funny, it’s sad, it’s emotional, it is as realistic as you can get for a movie about wands and broomsticks.  It’s human.  One of my favorite scenes takes place at Harid’s hut, where Professor Slughorn (Jim Broadbent), Hagrid (Robbie Coltrane) and Harry (Daniel Radcliffe) gather around mourning for Hagrid’s demon spider pet, Aragog.  I didn’t know that I could get choked up over that vicious beast’s death.  It’s just so honest, complete with swelling music, Fang the dog howling, and Slughorn makin’ up eulogies.

It’s also funny. Like, lol funny.  The romances, though break ups and heart ache still inevitably ensue, are more mature than the high school type pairing off that was goin’ down in #4 and #5.  Don’t get me wrong, there’s still plenty of snogging.  And let me just say that Jessie Cave as Lavender Brown is incredibly entertaining as Ron’s main squeeze.  But from Quidditch to Christmas dates, there isn’t a dull moment.  The excellent writing coupled with the impeccable deliveries of the actors mesh together so perfectly.

“She’s only interested in you because she thinks you’re the chosen one!”

“But I AM the chosen one.”

“That’s my Won-Won!”

“What do you think he sees in [Ginny]?”

“She’s smart, funny, attractive… “

“Attractive?”

“Well you know, she has nice skin.”

“So you think he is going out with her because she has nice skin?”

“Well, I dunno, I’m just saying it could be a contributing factor.”

On that note, I’m also glad that they gave Quidditch one last chance.  If only to see Weasley King teach those Quaffles a lesson.

The fearsome threesome are at their best.  Rupert Grint is funnier than ever, Emma Watson is, well, still good… she didn’t need much improvement, but she’s awesome.  Daniel Radcliffe has found his niche as our rugged hero, and he finally captures the emotional intelligence that our character in the novel is going towards in his later years.  Alan Rickman is still the ultimate badass and Tom Felton gives his best performance to date.  But man, I wish they’d done his character differently in the earlier movies.  It doesn’t mean so much to see him crumble underneath the pressure with him being such a weenie in the first films.  But, whatever, at least he’s better.  Jim Broadbent probably takes the cake for giving the most intriguing and complex performance.  I always thought that Slughorn was an interesting character but Broadbent really took him further.  I love how he and Harry interact.  Helena Bonham Carter is still good as crazy lady Belatrix Lestrange.

If all that weren’t enough, Michael Gambon finally earned his keep as the esteemed Albus Dumbledore.  I haven’t been a fan of him thus far, and he’s still no Richard Harris, but I wouldn’t have cried over him if he hadn’t of done an above-par job.  I’m sorry for hating you so much before, Mr. Gambon.  I respect you now and love what you did with one of my favorite characters.  That’s all.

While they weren’t able to throw it all in (can they ever?) David Yates did a fantastic job with Tom Riddle/Voldemort’s back story.  Meeting the enemy with haunting special effects and an amazing performance by Hero Fiennes-Tiffin was everything I could have asked for as a Potter nerd.  Yates is the mannnn, and boy am I glad that he’s got charge of the rest of the series.

Lastly, the ambiance is wonderful.  Every scene is beautiful, whether it be the architecture of the castle or the beauties of the grounds.  “I’ve never noticed how beautiful this place is,” laments Harry.  This is the calm before the storm -and it was already pretty stormy.  But any remaining bits of normalcy are blown to bits in the last two installments.  Also, the music by Nicholas Hooper is absolutely breathtaking.  Watching Dumbledore bring out the big guns in the creepy cave would not be what it is without the tear-jerking accompaniment.  That scene is also one of the best in the film.  I needed a bucket to collect all those tears.  It’s just so sad… and heart wrenching… and everything.  It’s amazing.

Probably my favorite installation thus far, but we’ve still got two to go.  That might change.  9/10

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005)

I should probably just start watching this BEFORE I watch Prisoner of Azkaban.  Then I’ll like that one every time.

Things are shakin’ up in the Potter-verse.  Harry (Daniel Radcliffe) and his usual groupies (Ron – Rupert Grint, and Hermione – Emma Watson) are partyin’ it up with the rest of the wizard population at the Quidditch World Cup.  Kinda like the normal World Cup, but things get a LOT crazier when magic folk get drunk.  But the partyin’ gets a little too rowdy when Death Eater Voldy-supporters start torturing Muggles and You-Know-Who’s weird snake insignia is cast into the sky by a shady unknown character.

At Hogwarts things aren’t any more normal (are they ever?)  This year Hogwarts will congregate with all two other Wizard High Schools to compete in a (friendly) inter-school tournament.  And by friendly, I mean that contestants could die.  There will be one victor to represent each school.  Three guesses on who the Hogwarts champion is?  Despite Harry’s young age (you must be 17 or older to compete), he is wildly chosen as a SECOND rep for the Hogs – along with hunk Cedric Edward Cullen Diggory (Robert Pattinson).  Harry didn’t put his name in, so who did?  Ron’s pissed that Harry, who didn’t want any of this, gets all the glory and stuff… like usual, so they’re not speaking.  Harry’s got bigger things to worry about than dragons, like asking girls out and figuring out his strange dreams.  And word on the street is the Voldemort might reappear sooner than later…

Okay. Hands down my least favorite Potter film.  It isn’t a bad movie, there are definitely things I like. But Mike Newell tried too hard to single it out from the others.  The Goblet of Fire is another piece in the big picture, and I feel like it’s trying to be its own movie too much.  The big reveal is hardly a big reveal because of all the stupid hints.  I mean it's ironic that this is the first PG-13 of the Harry's and yet the script and plot-twists are dumbed down for 4 year olds. Granted, this is a 734 page book.  But Order of the Phoenix is 896 pages and David Yates does a much better job of condensing.  I don’t care that SPEW was left out (although it would have been nice to give Dobby an additional movie…) I don’t care that Ludo Bagman was nixed, I don’t mind THAT much that Rita Skeeter’s main plot was left out.  But did we really need to make the DRAGON challenge fifteen minutes too long?  I mean seriously, Harry was supposed to have WON that task.  They did not need to go traipsing about Hogwarts in a stupid game of cat and mouse.  That energy and time would have been better spent on the end.  Or anywhere else for that matter.

A few other gripes: The third challenge was kind of a joke.  Harry fought a freaking basilisk when he was twelve.  A maze where the walls close in on you is hardly intimidating compared to what that kid’s been through.  Creepy hedges < Blast ended skrewts. Second, do we ALWAYS need to skip over the explanation scenes?  Granted we didn’t need to hear all of the back story, but we kinda skipped over the part where a WAR WAS STARTING.  There was a reason that Fudge didn’t believe Harry in OotP.  Third, I’m not hating on Rob Pattinson at all, but I didn’t like the interpretation of Cedric Diggory.  I thought he looked good and performed well for the most part but he wasn’t… nice enough.  Cedric was a symbol of goodness.  Everyone loved him, everyone admired him.  They didn’t quite… capture that.  Lastly, …where was Sirius (Gary Oldman)?!  His head in some coals does NOT count.  Again, you gotta start looking at the book picture, Newell.

Sorry, I’ll try to stop acting like an immature fan girl.  It’s just so hard…

New additions to the cast… again… most notably is Brendan Gleeson as Professor Alastor “Mad Eye” Moody, the new (you guessed it) Defense Against the Dark Arts Teacher.  Despite his weird machine eye and a few script issues he was pretty dang excellent as this crazy character.  The scene with the unforgivable curses was well played, even though Emma Watson was freaking out a little too much.  I also enjoyed him turning Malfoy into a dancing ferret…  Miranda Richardson plays Rita Skeeter, the sly reporter, interested in nothing but the dirty deets on Harry.  Great book character, wish we had more of her story but alas.  Two hours is very short.  Sheesh these movies know how to choose the best actors but stunt their development. Last but not least, the excellent Ralph Fiennes joins us, albeit nose-less, as none other than He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named himself.  Lord Voldemort.  His sinister whisper is so icy, his piercing eyes so menacing.  He’s definitely secured himself as a great movie villain.  I couldn’t have asked for more. Good on yeh, Ralph.

Goblet of Fire reminded me of high school more than anything else, and that’s the good part.  I mean sure, Ron’s freaking annoying with his angsty whine, but don’t we know ten people just like him?  In fact, your best friend probably shunned you once for something similar.  Or maybe you shunned your best friend.  Just sayin’, it happens.  But seriously, all of the gossip, all the crying, all the name-calling.  It’s freshman year at wizard high.  And I did enjoy that part.  I love the awkward teen romances, I especially laughed at the scene introducing the Yule Ball.  “Mr. Weasley, put your hand on my waist.” “Where?”  And oh Ron’s dress robes… I also feel like every young actor is growing into their roles.  Neville (Matthew Lewis) got to  shine a little bit here.  Fred and George (James and Oliver Phelps) provided great laughs as the school clowns.  Unfortunately Malfoy (Tom Felton) is still painted as a bit of a fool, but whatever.

The adult cast is exemplary as usual [unfortunatelackofSeverusSnapeAlanRickmanthough].  Michael Gambon hasn’t quite reached his stride (forcefully pushing a student?  Not Dumbledore). The kids are definitely growing into their roles, though this is probably Emma Watson’s worst of the 8.  She freaks out too much, she’s sooo over dramatic and shouts and cries a lot.  Not Hermione.  I also admit that the Voldemort scene was fantastic.  Eerie, and filled with fiery emotions.  The music is also stunning, however much we might miss the J. Williams.  The special effects and cinematography are also commendable.

Alas, I cannot ever be fully satisfied.  Harry Potter is far too dear to my heart.  And this book is so fantastic.  Seriously, the details that go into the entire plot are MASTERFUL. The movie felt like nothing but a trailer for the bigger story that we all know and love in the book. It is what it is, though and it’s still got Harry’s name on it.  So that’s gotta be worth something, right?  5/10

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)

Hogwarts, year two.  Just when Harry (Daniel Radcliffe) thinks he’s getting into the swing of things, everything just gets weirder.  To start off, he has a difficult time arriving at school.  A homely little elf (excuse me, house elf) named Dobby (Toby Jones) shows up in his bedroom to warn Harry of the apparent harm and possible death that awaits him at Hogwarts.  He insists that Harry is too valuable to risk and tries to stop him from going – landing him into some serious trouble with his Aunt and Uncle (Richard Griffiths, Fiona Shaw).  Not to worry, BFF Ron (Rupert Grint) comes to break him out of the cage that is Number 4 Privet Drive.  Buttt even with his wizard pals Harry has problems catching the train.  The moment they do make it to school they’re branded with a near death sentence for being seen by Muggles in their flying car.  Oh, and a rogue tree breaks Ron’s wand.

Turns out the little pillowcase-clad guy wasn’t so wrong.  Students (and cats) are winding up “petrified” by an unknown beast and threatening blood-written messages coat the corridors of Hogwarts announcing the re-opening of The Chamber of Secrets.  Harry teams up with his usual crew of Ron and Hermione (Emma Watson) to (singlehandedly) solve the ancient school mystery breaking a thousand more rules in the process.  But it gets kinda difficult when everyone starts putting the blame on the boy who lived cuz he can talk to snakes.  Or something.

It is a little bit difficult to leave out ANY comparisons.  The material is golden, the book perfectly executes a fantastic plot.  It’s hard for me to hate on the movie too much since they stick to the plot fairly well… it’s just not as well portrayed.  My primary complaint is actually the overload of cheese and kid stuff.  Like, last time I checked, the book did NOT end with a standing ovation and the entire great hall cheering for Hagrid (Robbie Coltrane).  It’s just unnecessary.  But, alas, it still manages to match the charm and appeal of the book and improve on the first movie – exploding into one of the greatest movie franchises ever (and the most internationally successful).

Our kids are the same as they were in Sorcerer’s Stone, just more cracking voices.  But they’re fine – and Harry has even improved.  We’ve got plenty of new characters too – even Henry V Kenneth Branagh himself as our leading buffoon, new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, and hero extraordinaire Gilderoy Lockhart.  He is one of my favorite (favourite?) characters in the book and Branagh brilliantly brings him to life on screen.  “Fame is a fickle friend, Harry.  Celebrity is as celebrity does.  Remember that.”  You hate him so much that you love him.  He approaches the bridge between tolerable hilarity and excess annoyance but only flirts with crossing.  He’s the comic relief, though there’s really nothing too serious to “relieve” us from – the whole movie is as light as the first one.  Yet he still manages to lift our spirits and deliver some awesome one liners.

Another more slippery addition is Jason Isaacs as Draco’s papa Lucius Malfoy.  Whoever had the idea to give him long flowing white hair and a pre-pubescent clean-shaven look was a genius.  To see Lucius’ character deteriorate into the coward that he is in the latest Potter installments (facial hair included) gives this fresh opening an entirely new meaning.  He really was a wicked snake.

Sorcerer’s Stone was the introductory fairy tale.  Chamber of Secrets is the slightly darker exploration piece.  The entire 8-movie series is really just one big story.  This one starts to delve into the bigger picture where its predecessor only briefly introduced it.  We learn about the bigger-bad-guy Lord Voldemort’s past as a student at Hogwarts.  We begin to understand Harry’s connection to the Dark Lord is a little bit more than just his parents’ murder.  On top of that, we explore Harry’s dark side.  Would he have been better suited for Slytherin house?  Is he following the same path that young Tom Marvolo Riddle (Christian Coulson) did? Radcliffe does his character well, showing a conflicted, no longer wide-eyed boy facing more than his fair share of trials.

The magic too is deeper (even deeper than we know, yet).  Harry and Draco finally get their chance to officially duel it out with more than “Expelliarmus” in Lockhart’s Dueling club [a good Snape moment... there was a serious lack of Alan Rickman boss-ness], Petrified victims are healed by screeching mandrake plants as procured by Professor Sprout (Miriam Margolyes), Hermione surpasses her own genius by creating the Polyjuice Potion turning Harry and Ron into Draco’s goonies, Crabbe and Goyle (Jamie Waylett, Josh Herdman), replicas.  Again, Rowling, I bow to your creativity.

The plot (grace of Lady Rowling) is a fast-paced, fun mystery.  The epic conclusion is so rewarding with every twist and turn underlying the suspense.  Even with its long running time, it still manages to briskly pass the audience by.  I don’t know, I guess I just dig that kinda mystery stuff – the kind where the big reveal leaves you smacking your head at your own poor observation and anxious to re-watch it with a new perspective.  That’s how it was the first time I read the book.

There’s a lot more action as well.  Murderous spiders and larger than life snakes aren’t exactly your typical domestic animals.  Overall, the special effects and stunts are great and Harry sure looks disgusting by the end.  I guess battling in a sewer does that to you…

This review is a very jumbled cornucopia of thoughts, and I apologize for the longevity.  The short of it is,Chamber of Secrets improves on the first one and leaves us even more tickled with magic.  The actors grow into their roles and there’s some great action/adventure/mystery/humor goin’ on.  Lastly, RIP Richard Harris.  “It is not our abilities that show what we truly are.  It is our choices.”  You delivered one of Dumbledore’s best piece of wisdom better than Michael Gambon ever could.  No offense.  7/10