Hook (1991)

BANG-A-RANG.

I am on a nostalgia run. Perks of living at home and having all-day access to DVR. Man, this movie brings me back. It's as old as I am! #birthmovies. It definitely fell into the "most-quoted" category when I was eight. And the quotes aren't even that good... "I've just had an apostrophe." "I believe in fairies!" "Lookie lookie I've got Hookie!" "You need a mother very badly!"

Let's talk about Peter Pan for a sec. Well, to put it frankly, I don't really like it. Him. The book. The play. The story. Neverland. Wendy. I don't like those things. I like the IDEA of Peter Pan. Kind of. I mean, I listen to everything Dumbledore says, and he told Harry once, "It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live." But I guess if everyone listened to that advice, Disneyland would go bankrupt. And I suppose the moral of the story is that Neverland can't last for never. For ever. And that we have to grow up sometime. Just Peter Pan... doesn't. And Wendy is just annoying. Seriously, she's annoying.

But what if Peter Pan did grow up? Steven Spielberg's Hook does everything I could have ever wanted with the Peter Pan story. Because in Hook, Pan's grown up. Pan is Robin Williams. And Pan has completely forgotten his adventures in Neverland and turned into Mr. Darling all-work-no-play-no-time-for-kids as an acquisitions lawyer. He's married to Wendy's granddaughter Moira (Caroline Goodall) and has two kids Jack (Charlie Korsmo), and Maggie (Amber Scott). He's not, like, father of the year or anything and his boy Jack kinda hates him. But when Pan left Neverland, he REALLY left. He left it so hard, he doesn't even know how to connect with kids least of all his own, and money has now become more important to him than adventures.

So then there's Hook. I mean Captain James Hook. The one armed-pirate person. The nefarious villain. Well, he steals Jack and Maggie right outa their bedroom and takes them straight on 'till morning. What sparks this? What bring Peter Pan's arch-enemy to go all thief-in-the-night and kidnap two innocent kids? Because he's not over this relationship, obviously. He wants the immature, won't-mature 12-year-old who tortured Hook and his goons for years to suffer, to die even. But CATCH. Hook's under the assumption that he and Pan are going to go at it for old times sake, laugh over hand-eating crocodiles while drinking margaritas (Petey's of age now) and put on a sword-show for his drunk pirate-band. Yeah, Peter can't remember anything. He can't fight. He can't fly. And he can't crow. Hook won't fight Peter like this. But he also won't abandon his plans to send him to his doom. So he gives Peter 3 days to get himself ready and rekindle some of the old green-tights pizazz.

Everything that I don't like about Peter Pan is brought full circle in Hook. My favorite scene is the brief re-cap of Peter's transformation from the boy who never grew up to the boy who did. We watch him deal with his fear of death by postponing it in Neverland. We see the sadness that came over young Pan when he realizes his mother forgot about him. We see him get sad again as he watches Wendy get older and turned from Gwenyth Paltrow into Maggie Smith. We see him give a real kiss to Wendy's granddaughter, and ultimately abandon his life in Neverland for the opportunity to be a father.

COME ON, IT KIND OF GIVES ME THE FEELS.

Everything that Peter learned in Neverland about adventure and love was forgotten in his corporate life. His return to Neverland reminded him why he left in the first place and why that was more important than anything else in the whole world. Hook is a charming fantasy that focuses on the important things.

All of these feel-good things would be nothing without the star-power performances of Julia Roberts as Tinkerbell, Maggie Smith (classy with a side of phenomenal) Robin Williams, Charlie Korsmo (Minnesota REPRESENT), Bob Hoskins as Smee and especially Dustin Hoffman as the Hook himself. Seriously, this movie deserves a watch if only for the Hoff Man. Animated Hook is a coward. Hoff Man Hook is a BAMF. He's a conniving, twisted, manipulative, clever, EVIL villain and that dufus smile of his just doesn't leave. Also, Robin Williams is pretty cool.

Perhaps this isn't Spielberg's greatest blockbuster - but I don't think it was meant to be. It's a hook. We all want to know what would happen if Peter Pan grew up. Perhaps some of the fairy tale's original magic is lost, but we're checking out Never Never Land through the eyes of a blinded adult. Only when Peter starts to figure things out do the colors and magic come out. (That being said, what IS that food they eat supposed to be ANYWAY?) I saw this movie as a child. And nothing trumps nostalgia. PAN IS BACK. 8/10