Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? (1966)

Wow, those folks have routier parties than I do.  And I’m the one that’s in college…

Who is afraid of Virginia Woolf? Virginia Woolf… Virginia Woolf… Okay, who IS Virginia Woolf?  She’s not really a part of the actual movie.  She was a writer – that much I know from working in a bookstore.  Upon learning a little more about her, she was known for her stream of consciousness style and psychological themes.  To say “who’s afraid of Virginia Woolf” as though she was Disney’s big, bad wolf, is to suggest that you might be afraid of those things that you can’t accept.

Kind of wish I’d understood that before I watched the movie.

Martha and George (Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton), a couple with some serious tongue issues, have returned late from a dinner party at Martha’s father’s home – the president of some local New England college.  George is a history professor.  He speaks very well.  Martha drinks a lot.  She also thinks it’s cool to invite a young couple over for drinks at two am without informing the husband.

The good-looking Nick and his mousey wife Honey (George Segal and Sandy Dennis), a recently hired biology professor and a naïve blonde, aren’t sure how to react to the volatile atmosphere that is their host’s home.  The rest of the film details the events of the evening.  On the menu: Martha lewdly flirting with Nick, George testing Nick’s verbal skills, the whole party tip-toeing around conversing about Martha and George’s oddly absent son – whose birthday is the following day, Honey getting sick and super drunk, playing fun games such as Humiliate the Host followed by Get the Guests, and basically everybody getting more drunk and crying and shouting and stuff.

My honest reaction upon the revealing ending was, “huh, it’d probably be good to watch that again with a better vision of what went on there.  …  Actually, I think I’d rather never watch it again.”  Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf is certainly an incredible tale.  But it’s a downer.  Not that I’m judging anyone who does drink, I must admit I have never been more grateful that I don’t.  I can’t say that I comprehend exactly the what’s up of, you know, intoxication, but I’ll admit that this situation is NOT my idea of fun.  This is what AA is for guys.  The entire film is mesmerizing, but not necessarily enjoyable.

The best thing here is the performances.  Our four leads (so, the whole cast?) were all nominated for Oscars with the two ladies taking the cake.  All four were deserving of the acclaim – Richard Burton was definitely my favorite performance, but I can’t argue with Paul Scofield winning that one for A Man for All Seasons.  The writing is, of course, impeccable but Burton’s delivery is witty and even entertaining.  Like any person with a gifted tongue would be able to, he hides his own torment and anguish through his insulting monologues.

Elizabeth Taylor can act, guys.  She put on around 30 pounds for the role, and abandoned her famous beauty for this role of a slob.  Her foul mouth and obnoxious mannerisms are fascinating.  She embodies the monstrous character in such a way that gives her life – you can see the potential that Martha had to be tender and kind.  George Segal and Sandy Dennis are also incredible, their ups and downs and insecurities are perfectly emulated.

Through those performances, we get to study the relationships between each couple and as an entire group.  Why Martha and George were married in the first place, who knows.  It’s nothing but put-downs, insults, humiliation, cussing, and zero mutual respect.  Casting Burton and Taylor was genius – you’ve always got that notion in the back of your mind about their real-life relationship=fascination to a whole ‘nother level.  Nick and Honey, seemingly in love at first aren’t quite so peachy-keen with each other it turns out.  He married her because he thought she was pregnant, and for her money.  I guess that’s cool, she’s pretty high-strung I’m not sure who would marry her out of love.  No offense.

Mike Nichols directs this very well – his first film crazy enough.  Again, the casting choices were awesome.  The story, based off the Tony-award winning play, is well played out and greatly paced.

I must admit, there are very few things wrong with this movie, as you may have gathered with all this good stuff i’m talking about.  But it’s so dark and awful, it’s hard to enjoy so much hate and without any real resolution to happiness.  It’s certainly worth watching for the feat that it is, but it, by no means, will ever be a favorite of mine.  “Who’s afraid of Virginia Woolf?” “I am.” 6/10

Romeo + Juliet (1996)

Next time someone hates on gangs dancing in West Side Story, I’ll be asking whether they’ve seen gangs fighting while speaking in Shakespearean dialect…

Yep.  I’m a hater.  But big disclaimer: I’ve always detested those idiot star cross’d lovers.  I’ve read the play, seen it three times, only once have I even remotely enjoyed it – and that was because they were kind of making fun of all those things I hate.  We’ll disregard for the moment that my ninth grade boyfriend played Romeo so it drove me nuts that he was kissing another girl and that every other girl in the junior high was head over heels for him…. totally unrelated.

Needless to say, I didn’t start off on good footing with this.  And I must admit that I have never detested this more.  It isn’t that I’m not used to the extravagant style of Baz Luhrmann – I’m a Moulin Rouge! fan.  It’s… that it doesn’t WORK the same way that it does in Moulin Rouge! In fact, it fails.  It’s a disastrous combination of Hollywood action and Shakespearean themes and dialect.  “Swords” are guns manufactured by ‘Sword?’  Funny.  But dumb more than clever.

It’s set in Verona Beach – but what they mean is stereotypical surfer California.  Pretty sure everyone knows what’s up with this story, but here’s a brief rundown of the mess.  The Montagues and the Capulets are in a turf-battle/family feud dating back to who knows when.  Romeo (Leonardo DiCaprio), a Montague, is depressed and in love with Rosaline.  Then he lays eyes on Juliet (Claire Danes), a Capulet and falls in {deeper?} love.  Ah, the beauty of the forbidden.  Then they frolic in a swimming pool, declare their undying love, Romeo’s good buddy Mercutio (Harold Perrineau – LOST!) gets murdered, Romeo kills the dude responsible, Juliet fakes her death to try and still rock it with Romeo in the end, Romeo believes she’s dead and kills himself, so then she kills herself too and they live happily ever after…. while dead?

On the subject of the plot – what was with that swimming pool crap anyway?  Dra-freaking-matic (don’t judge on the word).

It’s SO overly-colorful, it’s obnoxious.  I again compare to Moulin Rouge. It isn’t artistic and beautiful. It’s distracting and insulting – like a crappy Tim Burton ripoff.  They’re wearing Hawaiian shirts for heaven’s sake – it’s a punk version of a SHAKESPEARE PLAY.  Seriously?  Luhrmann even has the nerve to show Mercutio as a drag queen at one point.  WTF.  The overtly provocative and modern-day clothing displayed at the masquerade is terribly out of place and, again, obnoxious.  The music is also unrelated and inconsistent.

I’m not against modern-day adaptations of Shakespeare plays.  I think that 10 Things I Hate About You is very clever and entertaining.  Even She’s the Man is kind of funny.  West Side Story is my personal favorite, and that’s dealing with this very story.  I think the main thing that fails here is the awful mismatch of sounding like Shakespeare and looking like The Beach Boys.  Had there been modern-day dialogue to match 20th century feel, it wouldn’t have sucked half as much.  FIrst of all, Leo and C-Danes have no idea how to speak Shakespeare effectively, they’re in way over their heads.  Pete Postlethwaite (the priest) and Miriam Margolyes (the nurse) seemed to be the only two who were even half-realistic.  But really, “art thou mad,” doesn’t work in Cali last time I checked.

The acting actually isn’t that bad, with the exception of Claire Danes.  I’m a huge Little Women fan, and I love her as the meek and quiet Beth March.  Not as the fiery Juliet.  I felt no connection to her, nor in their relationship really.  Leo’s my man, but even he isn’t at his top game – though he’s still probably my favorite part.  Pete Postlethwaite and Miriam Margolyes are definitely the most capable of the bunch, and quite enjoyable to watch.  [Side note, I saw Miriam Margolyes on stage in 2006 as Madam Morrible in Wicked. Cool.]  Everyone else is just background noise.  Paul Rudd (whom I love in Friends and Clueless) doesn’t add much, neither does John Leguizamo, Paul Sorvino, nor Harold Perrineau (I actually didn’t like him much at all).

Overall, Romeo + Juliet is a dreadful adaptation to a Shakespearean classic.  I may not even like the original material, but Shakespeare at least knew what he was doing and I respect the man for everything he was capable of.  This is where crap like Twilight comes from… 2/10

Giant (1956)

Giant is a giant of a movie.  It’s three and a half hours long and covers two generations of Benedicts, even introducing a third.  It stars Elizabeth Taylor, Rock Hudson, and James Dean – three very beautiful people. Man, I’ve asked myself so many times what James Dean’s legacy would be if he hadn’t died… That kid knew how to act and this movie is no exception.  He’s still one of my favorite actors and I adore all THREE of his movies, but he was just getting started!  So sad.

Jordan “Bick” Benedict (Hudson)  is the top dawg in Texas, head of the famous Benedict ranching family, owner of Reata ranch.  He goes to Maryland to buy the horse War Winds and falls in lurve with the brunette hottie, Leslie (Taylor).  She comes back with him to Texas.  Bick’s sister, Luz (Mercedes McCambridge) runs the coop, doesn’t like Leslie, is kinda mean to her horse, but likes the poor cowboy Jett Rink (Dean).

Things get a little crazy when Luz is killed, gives some land to Jett and Jett becomes the big-shot oil tycoon of Texas.  The plot is centered around the rivalry between the Benedict family and Jett.

I’d almost say that this is my favorite epic.  It closely rivals Ben Hur – and that’s a childhood favorite of mine.  Anything longer than three hours gets slow, let’s be honest.  Even Lord of the Rings has the four hundred endings.  But Giant manages the time fairly well, and maintains a steady pace throughout the film.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s still freaking long (everything’s bigger in Texas) but it gets the job done in a satisfying, and moving way.  One of its major keys to success is that the cast is smaller than most epics.  We have a clear-cut idea of who all the characters are and their role in the story.  We aren’t scrambling to remember all the forty grandchildren and the five different groups of bad guys.

Elizabeth Taylor is beautiful, oh she’s beautiful.  Even as an old lady towards the end she’s still got class.  Leslie the character is also admirable – she’s feisty and opinionated, anything a girl like me can look up to. I’m not a super-feminist by any means, but I like her fight for a place amongst the boys and respect any such women.

She is hardly the star though.  Rock Hudson is also excellent in his role as the patriarch of the fam.  He’s tough, kind of stubborn, but a good guy.  The Benedict offspring are also well-played.  Carroll Baker is great as Luz II.  Totally didn’t realize that it was DENNIS HOPPER in there until AFTER I’d watched the entire thing though.  I don’t think that makes me an idiot totally.  He’s quite handsome in this – not that he isn’t in his later roles but, ya know, if you’ve seen Hoosiers as many times as I have you’d understand.

James Dean… is awesome.  The method actor that showed the world how to method act.  You feel sorry for him, then you hate him.  His career was abruptly ended during filming, but his performance is nonetheless incredible.  I’d have given him the Oscar – though Yul Brinner’s totally a bare-chested stud I’ll admit.  Either way, James Dean will always be a cinematic icon, even if he’s only got three movies to his name.  Why is it that the talented ones have to die so young?  No one’s going to wonder what Miley Cyrus’s career would have been like if she were to die tomorrow.  But whatever.

Enough with my James Dean praise.  Besides the spectacular acting, the cinematography is spectacular.  If anything were to invite me to Texas and the ranch-life it’d be this movie.  Everything is consistently beautiful, oh how those roaring hills call to me.

George Stevens should also be recognized for this film’s legacy.  The overall feel of the film is moving and sweeps you off your feet.  It’s a great adaptation of an Edna Ferber novel.  Each scene is memorable.  Bick’s final fight in the restaurant, Jett’s lament to Luz, Leslie chewin’ out the boys.

This is a film worth investing three and a half hours for.  And I don’t say that lightly.  If only for James Dean. 9/10

First Wives Club (1996)

Two words: Powerhouse Cast.  I mean seriously.  If you were gonna make an all over broads movie, who would you choose?  Okay if you said Meryl Streep, I’d still support that, or maybe even Helen Mirren after Red but this is the ’90s.  Diane Keaton, Bete Midler, Goldie Hawn and even Maggie Smith combine for some serious hormonal catastrophes.

After their college bestie Cynthia (Stockard Channing) kills herself, the insecure Brenda (Midler), the over-secure made-up barbie Elise (Hawn), and the clueless Annie (Keaton) reunite and talk old times.  Turns out all three have been screwed by their husbands for younger women (well, in all honesty I guess the youngin’s were the ones being screwed…)  But they’re not going to take it so easy – they put those douches at the top of the food chain.  So they come up with a plot to hit them where it hurts the most: their wallets.

All right, so this is totally a chick movie.  I’ll be the first to admit it.  And if you’re a dude, you might even feel insulted by the, well, serious burn these guys are getting.  So I won’t exactly recommend it to you males, but it’s not unheard of for you folks to laugh out loud either.

First: it’s an original story – thank. you.  The basic plot may seem familiar but it’s still fresh and different.  My favorite was the plot line involving Sarah Jessica Parker (yes, the SJP herself) and Brenda’s husband with Maggie Smith screwin’ them over.  I mean, it’s just silly.  But awesome.

Second: that writing’s top notch.  The screenplay never misses a beat and man I don’t care how stupid those ladies sound, the script makes them hilarious and witty.

“No, Sean Connery is Monique’s boyfriend!  He may be three hundred years old, but he’s sitll a stud!”
“Let’s synchronize our watches.” “Ooh just like Mission: Impossible!” “Oh, that was a big hit.”
“Doormat!” “Lesbian!”

Okay, so maybe that last quote was pushing it on the witty scale, but it’s still funny.

Last: It’s about character.  I watched this with my good friend and we both agree that character is what makes a movie.  I mean even Annie’s daughter Chris (Jennifer Dundas) and her coming out of the closet – it’s more about the actual girl than it is that she’s a lesbian.  You’d only laugh at her parting, “Oh by the way dad, I’m a lesbian.  A BIG one.” if you already liked the character.  So maybe the guys aren’t exactly the most likable characters out there, but they’re still well-developed and perfectly acted.  (Yup, Victor freaking Garber is in this too).  I mean, straight out of Annie Hall, Diane Keaton is adorable.  Just watch that chick try and freak out at her idiot husband and therapist.  And watch her dance!  Oh so cute.  And Goldie Hawn’s character could not be better played nor created.  Her Andy Warhol/Marilyn Monroe painting OF HERSELF hangin’ in the apartment? Classic.

Not only are our leads terrific, but we’ve got actors and actresses like Jennifer Dundas, Rob Reiner,  Eileen Heckart, Sarah Jessica Parker, Marcia Gay Harden, Bronson Pinchot, Debra Monk, Dan Hedaya, Stephen Collins, Victor Garber and Heather Locklear in there!  Allow me to reiterate: stellar cast.

First Wives Club is for all you ladies out there.  You’ll laugh, I promise.  Especially if you’re still bitter over recent injustices from the men in your life.  8/10

You know you loved it:

Insomnia (2002)

So yeah, I’m doing a Liz Taylor marathon of sorts… but I’m also kinda going through some Chris Nolan movies.  Cuz he’s the mannnn.  After I saw Following I just had to watch Insomnia because I didn’t really remember it and it too was on Netflix.

So Insomnia is probably my least favorite of the Nolan flicks, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t like it or that it’s by any means a bad movie.  (We’re comparing this to Inception, Dark Knight, and Memento here…) It’s got a great cast (Al freaking Pacino is in it for heaven’s sake… along with Hilary Swank and Robin Williams, all Oscar winners) and still some epic Nolan-esque qualities (who freaking well NEEDS an Oscar).

Pacino plays Will Dormer, an acclaimed detective who hops it over with his partner Hap Eckhart (Martin Donovan) to Alaska to aid in an investigation of a murdered girl.  Dormer isn’t so squeaky clean – there’s an Internal Affairs investigation taking place in Los Angeles over one of his cases for potentially falsified evidence.  He ain’t afraid to use any method possible to find out what he wants or to win.  He and his partner aren’t exactly peachy-keen with each other, they argue over methods and Eckhart might even testify against Dormer.

Then there’s Ellie Burr (Swank), a young over-eager police officer fresh from the academy, and Dormer’s biggest fan.  She’s initially assigned to work with Dormer on the Kay Connell case.  Ya know, I like Hilary Swank.  I like girls that actually look fit and healthy rather than anorexically skinny (You know, The Next Karate Kid, Million Dollar Baby type girl).  She’s also a talented actress and I think she gives a pretty great performance in this.  She creates a character who subtly grows from her naïveté, it seems as natural as a real human being.

Alaska in the summer=the land of perpetual daylight.  It drives Dormer insane, how could anyone sleep in the daytime?  Oh wait it’s midnight already…  Have you ever had insomnia?  It’s awful.  I grew up having extreme difficulty falling asleep at night.  It was the worst in high school.  I’d just be there… on the bed… staring at the ceiling… I’d read a book for a few minutes, listen to music, or not listen to music, open the window, turn up the A/C, get a softer blanket, play a game on my phone, whatever.  It SUCKS.  Luckily I can survive with little sleep, and luckily I’d still manage to average around 5 hours.  Better than going straight through, like Dormer.  And I didn’t have a murder investigation on my mind…

Dormer goes crazy.  Light flashes, confusing memories, fuzzy vision, all that good stuff.  He’s also dealing with some heavy anxiety (murder and stuff tend to do that to ya).  He’s blinking away the fatigue whenever you look at him, willing his eyes to breath.  Al Pacino’s a beast.  He’s good in everything.  I don’t know how a man like that can stand to be so good at what he does, seriously.  But like I said, I know how insomnia goes and Al’s got it down.

It should also be noted that Robin Williams might give the best performance of the bunch, if you can believe it.  I won’t say much more about him, he’s a character best discovered by watching the movie.  I ain’t in the business of giving away too much.

But all I’ve really got to say about this movie is that, *cough cough* it’s Christopher Nolan.  Now here’s the real question – how can a guy like NOLAN survive knowing that he has a repertoire of pure genius sans exception.  What would it be like to be that legit?

Insomnia explores some crazy psychological deals.  Right and wrong, guilt, anxiety.  It’s also a good mystery.  Who killed Kay Connell, what’s Dormer’s deal, who’s the crazy guy that keeps calling Dormer (Robin Williams – no, that’s not the answer), etc.  It’s a thriller, not your standard thriller, but a thriller of the mind nonetheless.  It’s claustrophobic, he’s just sooooo tireddddd. I’d love to watch the original Norwegian version – it sounds a little more hardcore than this.  But by its own merits, Insomnia is great.  Another 50 points for team Nolan.  8/10

Cat on a Hot Tin Roof (1958)

Oh Elizabeth Taylor.  You were such an icon.  You kind of ruled the movie industry.  And your life was such a soap opera.  But you’re still amazing.  RIP, lady.  Sadly, there are quite a few of her movies that I haven’t seen yet. Nothing like a death to get you rolling, so here I am.

First of all, Paul Newman’s in this movie.  I’m kind of in love with that blue-eyed hunk.  Taylor plays our “cat on a hot tin roof,” Maggie, and is married to Paul (his name is Brick) an alcoholic ex-football player.  I don’t know about you folks, but initially I thought that Maggie was our bad guy character.  She’s sassy, standoffish and rude.  You’re not quite sure if her pleas for affection from Brick are out of sexual selfishness or genuine love.  But then the story slowly unfolds and turns out Brick’s kind of a bum.  And an ignorant jerk.  Maggie’s still sassy and rude and standoffish, but she’s got good intentions.

Their marriage is on the rocks (and childless).  Brick’s father “Big Daddy” (Burl Ives) is dying of cancer.  The house is full of screaming “no-neck” kids.  Brick’s brother Gooper (Jack Carson) and wife (Madeleine Sherwood) are idiots, bickering over who gets what when he dies and trash talking about Brick.  Big Mama (Judith Anderson) is just freaking out.  It’s all a big mess – everyone’s lying to everybody and nobody is getting along.  Except the oblivious kids maybe.

All of this tension is even more eminent transpiring in such close quarters and all in one sitting. Everything takes place in a single evening.  It’s hard to tell how long Brick has been dealing with this crisis of identity and basically how long he’s been completely self centered, wallowing in his problems and reliving “the glory days.”  In some ways, it seems like the story is unveiled almost too organized.  Problem- digging into man’s subconscious- solution-type of deal.  Could all of those deep psychological issues be fixed with one pow-wow with the pops?  Just a thought.

But this is still a great movie.  Based off the Pulitzer prize winning play by Tennessee Williams, the script is still good though apparently deviating dramatically from the original (like a prominent homosexual theme?)  The acting is also great and I’m ASTONISHED that Burl Ives wasn’t nominated. He was my favorite part (well, except for looking at Paul Newman that is…) Elizabeth Taylor is a fiery spirit as always and she’s perfect for the role.  Newman is also excellent – proof that he has range as an actor.  It’s one of those movies where every single person is perfect in their role.  I also enjoyed Judith Anderson’s performance as Big Mama.

The selling point is the ever-present tension.  It literally fogs your screen it’s so heavy.  And man, who wouldn’t feel stressed with all of that bickering and chaotic children.  It’s excellently directed by Richard Brooks.  The climax between Brick and Big Daddy is the explosion after a ticking bomb.  It’s perfectly set and the ending is dang satisfactory.  Full of sizzle.  Yes, I just used the word sizzle.

And did I mention that I love Paul Newman’s blue eyes? 7/10

V for Vendetta (2006)

“Remember, remember the fifth of November, the gunpowder, treason and plot.  I know of no reason the gunpowder treason should ever be forgot.”

Geek fest geek fest geek fest…  I can think of a few movies that I’ve seen in my lifetime where I come home from the theater, or turn off the TV and just sit back and think.  Memento falls under this category as does Inception or actually The Prestige… k so any Christopher Nolan movie AT ALL, but I’ve also had this feeling with On the Waterfront, The Truman Show, Psycho, and The Man in the Moon.  It doesn’t have to be trippy like Nolan’s movies to get me thinking.  These movies all made an impression on me in some way or another, whether it’s crazy good acting, a revealing twist, trippy cinematography, a great script or simply a wonderful story.  V for Vendetta made an impression on me.  I’m not sure exactly what it was, but this movie is freaking amazing.

So there’s this terrorist dude.  He’s got a white mask, a deep impressionable voice, and goes by the name “V.”  (Hugo Weaving, so awesome even without a face).  Dystopian London is a wreck, and he thinks he can set it straight by finishing what Guy Fawkes and co. started in 1605… blow up Parliament.  On the 5th of November, of course.  Though he dons the Fawkes mask as his symbol, V has his own personal vendetta against the government, beginning with his imprisonment at a British concentration camp for homosexuals, blacks, Jews, Muslims, etc.  His face was disfigured in an explosion (also on November 5th) and he seeks revenge over all responsible at the camp.

There’s also a girl named Evey Hammond (played brilliantly and very British-like by Natalie Portman).  She’s a twenty-somethin’ orphan working at the British Television Network.  She crosses paths with V (well, he saved her life or somethin’) and invites her to watch him blow up the Old Bailey.  The government steals his thunder by covering to the public what really happened, so he makes a personal appearance on the TV Network Evey works at, appealing to the people to unite with him the following 5th of November against Parliament.  Evey saves his life… he takes her to his freaking awesome lair where she’s supposed to chill for a year.  And later she shows off her awesome head shape  - very few women could pull off a shaved head like she can.  (“Natalie Portman’s Shaved Head” anyone?)

Okay, so the British government is pretty messed up.  This is dystopian GB, the US is basically destroyed, and totalitarian gov of the fascist Norsefire party led by Adam Sutler (John Hurt) tries to fix the environmental mess that England is in post some war involving biological weapons.  They basically came to power by creating a deadly virus, killing thousands, and then producing a cure.  And they, like, had psycho concentration camps like Nazis.  Sketchy kinda?  So the public might actually pay attention to this “V” man, no one likes the controlled situation they’re under.

Another character of note is Inspector Finch (Stephen Rea) who is investigating the murders of several government officials, all killed by V.

First of all, V is freaking awesome.  His opening V-alliterated monologue along with Evey’s “Are you, like, a crazy person?” is kind of great. V kinda has a knife obsession, loves The Count of Monte Cristo, and all things beautiful.  He’s a jack of all trades master at EVERYTHING kind of a guy.  Too bad we only hear Weaving’s voice, but it’s still a good performance balancing brilliance with insanity.

I, personally, think that Natalie Portman is good as well.  Some argue that her accent sucks and that she’s just white noise behind better performances.  But I disagree, I think she’s a very talented actress and her accent is actually quite good.  I enjoyed her performance.

But I’ll be honest, though the acting, cinematography, directing, writing, costumes, technical aspects (freaking sweet in its own right – visually exciting and better than The Matrix in some aspects) and what else have you are all great ‘n’ all… the story makes the movie.  And I’m a sucker for dystopian plot lines.  It’s gotta be my consistently most favorite genre.  I can’t believe I haven’t gotten ahold of the graphic novels yet (it’s on my to-do list now), because just the film itself has sparked a bug in me and I want to know everything I can about this crazy, unfamiliar world.  It’s complex and nuanced, heartbreaking and gripping.  It’s also a kick-A action movie, if you dig that.

I’m sure the Wachowski bros and James McTeigue don’t do Alan Moore justice, but on a strictly movie standpoint – this is hardcore. 9/10

Following (1998)

So I think by this point everybody’s on board that Christopher Nolan is the bad ass of the times.  The best of the best, the leader of the pack, a movie-lover’s dream.  This is everybody’s man’s debut film.  Following is probably the most similar to Memento of any of his other movies, but it is also completely different in its own right.  It’s almost Hitchcock-esque.  Not quite so trippy as Inception, but still as gripping.  It’s a low-budget gem.

Following is, initially, about a man named Bill who follows people to pass the time.  He’s a writer, but has no current job, and wants to learn about human nature from his followees.  He had to set rules for himself though, so as not to become too obsessive or, like, perverted, and his most important rule of all was never to follow the same person twice.  But why set rules unless you can break them, eh?

He follows a man named Cobb.  (More than once).  But this mysterious, handsome man in a dark suit knows that our guy’s up to something and confronts him.  They talk, and share their stories.  Turns out Cobb’s a serial burglar, and he invites our man to go on some jobs with him.  These ain’t your run-of-the-mill-steal-the-jewelry-burglars, though.  Cobb’s more interested in the personal items of their victims.  ”Everyone has a box.”  He drinks their wine, rummages through photos, takes a few things here and there.  His intention is that “you take it away, show them what they had.”

They become partners, and Cobb shows the young man what’s up.  The young man starts some burglary projects of his own, changes his appearance, starts a relationship with a blonde femme-fatale.  Things spin out of control soon enough however.  Never follow someone twice, kids.

The chronology is similar to Memento.  Awesome.  It’s not as systematic as that, however (color real-time scenes, black & white backwards scenes, etc.)  But it’s still out of order, and possibly even awesome-r in this modern film noir.  Who would have thought that this method of storytelling would be so epic?  It can so effectively reveal the "what's-up" of a mystery.  This remains true for Following.  The big end wouldn’t be half as cool were it not for the messed up timeline.  Hats off to you, Chris.

Its length (just over an hour) and detached feel are strengths as well.  The only character credited with a name is Cobb.  This also felt like something Hitchcock would do (and did).  It’s very straightforward, and lacks strong emotion.  You learn the facts about the characters, you learn about the victims.  You can’t always feel what the young man is feeling, however.  It’s hard to describe, because it’s a character story, or study rather, but it still has this edgy, detached feel.

The incomprehensible small budget of just $6,000 is put to perfect use in the gritty underbelly of London.  Everything feels dirty, creepy, and mysterious.  The excellent photography combined with the scenery contributes to the suspense and ambiance.  The no-name cast is also excellent, Jeremy Theobald, Alex Haw, and Lucy Russell.  It’s a surprise to me that they did nothing else, they’re quite good in this – especially Alex Haw as Cobb.. and he doesn’t even have a Wikipedia page!

If you’re just hopping on the Chris Nolan bandwagon, I’d check this one out.  If you loved Memento, this is his father.  Following is another excellent film that credits Nolan as good as any other mainstream effort of his. 9/10

The Swan Princess (1994)

Prince Derrick and Princess Odette (arguably the best princess name EVER) of neighboring kingdoms in some whatever-land are basically hooked up from birth by their parents.  They spend several summers together as kids, fighting and hating each other and singing about it.  Then one day Odette (voiced by Michelle Nicastro) becomes an irresistible babe and Derrick (voiced by Howard McGillin) suddenly’s all, “Oh hey, she’s no ugly duckling anymore she’s actually HOTT.” and then they decide to get married but Odette’s thinkin’ “Hey, are you interested in anything but my looks?” and Derrick’s a little confused and can’t understand what other things could possibly be more important than beauty… So they, like, don’t get married right then.

But then this evil sorcerer man, Rothbart (Jack Palance), kidnaps Odette and puts her under a spell so that she turns into a swan during the day and then back to her sexy female-self with perfect hair at night.  So… that he can make her his queen and regain power or something. Derrick is convinced she’s alive but no one seems to believe him.  Odette befriends Speed the turtle, Jean Bob the french frog, and Puffin the puffin bird during her captivity.  She and Puffin come up with a plan to reunite her with Derrick (because she couldn’t care LESS now if he only loves her for her beauty…) But that Rothbart is difficult to double cross.

It ain’t Disney, but this movie spells pure nostalgia for me.  It wasn’t a favorite like Star Wars or Mulan, but I did frequently watch it as a kid and remember its awesomeness. The animation isn’t great: my friends and I kept remarking on the obvious racial identity crisis the producers were having by changing the main characters from African Americans to to fake-bakes to Snow-whites.  The lines are jagged and the colors are, as duly noted, inconsistent and faded.  But despite these flaws, The Swan Princess is far better than any other Richard Rich attempt (I could write an entire post on how much I hate The Black Cauldron and how BADLY someone needs to do a remake of that series and make it legit.  Best books ever).

The songs are nothing too memorable either, it’s funny how quickly I’m turned off by musicals without Menken or Ashman on the credits.  The side characters are as awesome as they possibly could be, Speed being my very favorite. “Do you want a kiss too?” “Aw, I’m fine being a turtle…” Though Jean Bob is also awesome… because he’s John Cleese, let’s be honest.

The oozing cheese and overwhelming cliché is more endearing than it is stupid.  You know, the sky definitely ALWAYS turns orange while fighting the great-animal version of a d-bag… and vows of everlasting love must consistently be proclaimed for the world to hear and more binding than, well, just about anything.  But the dialogue is entertaining.  The songs are entertaining.  The plot is entertaining. I dunno, I’d watch it again and laugh.

And let’s face it, folks.  Nostalgia trumps ALL. 5/10

Unstoppable (2010)

Speed. The sequel… or rather the re-imagining of a cliché action flick, minus Dennis Hopper.  Tony Scott’s adaptation of a real-life incident in Ohio features Frank (Denzel Washington), and Will (Trekky Chris Pine), veteran engineer & newbie conductor, chasing after an unmanned runaway freight train carrying – you guessed it – toxic chemicals.  The clock is ticking though until the train will inevitably derail on a curve in Stanton, PA.  (Not Ohio).

The fresh – the “one” thing that makes this a little bit different is the lack of sabotage.  Sure, I’d still take Dennis Hopper over this, but it was a fresh approach.  Along those same lines, THANK you for leaving the kids out of it.  Just sayin’.

The good – Rosario Dawson.  Sure, she’s a typical no nonsense female executive, but I like her.  Denzel Washington’s also good, as is Chris Pine.  The script is surprisingly not terrible – Denzel’s got a few pretty good lines that (for the most part) don’t seem forced.  It’s ordinary characters performing extraordinary heroic acts – you know, gives us all the feel goods.  It’s also relentlessly exciting, and keeps you gripped and on your toes – very well paced.

The garbage - Oh the bureaucracy… Seriously? Does there always need to be a hard-nosed top boss who won’t listen to the old doctor, scientist, or engineer?  Don’t THEY watch movies?  A rogue train is scary enough, people disagreeing over it is not really scarier, it’s just dumber.  And based on a true story it may be, but it’s still the same ol’ same ol’: cheesy, forced, and predictable.  Also, could there have been more shaky cam?  I don’t know about anyone else, but I was incredibly sick of it by the end.  Lastly, though back story generally adds depth to characters, this time I couldn’t care less about Chris Pine’s troubles with the wife (though he and Denzel bickering about it was enjoyable).

It was a good night at the movies.  Plenty of my girlfriends were drooling over Chris Pine.  People were gasping with the explosions and close calls, fist pumping over the epic conclusion.  I had a good time, it was solidly entertaining.  Heck, it ain’t meant to be a work of art, I’ll take it for what it is.  And it’s a whole lot better than The Next Three Days… 6/10

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010)

Scott Pilgrim (Michael Cera) is a twenty-something bass guitarist for the pretty awesome garage band, “Sex-Bob-Omb.”  He’s recently been dumped big time by his longtime girl and is having difficulty recovering.  So he goes for something more attainable I guess, and starts dating Knives Chau (Ellen Wong)… a high schooler.  She’s cute, uncomplicated, and slightly obsessed with his band.  Then Scott discovers the girl of his dreams (literally): Ramona Flowers (Mary Elizabeth Winstead). Think Kate Winslet in Eternal Sunshine: quirky, changes hair color every week, kind of confusing and complicated. When Scott pursues her, he finds out that he will need to defeat her seven evil exes who are set on complete control of Ramona’s love life.  If he wants to keep dating her that is.

First of all, I was hooked when I first saw the trailer.  Comic book awesomeness in a movie?  Oh man I’m there.  Frankly, I did expect it to be one of those movies that wastes all of its good jokes in the trailer, “Time to break out the ‘L’ word.” “Lesbian?” “The other ‘L’ word.” “LesbianS?” I am pleased to report that it defeat the odds, and the entire movie was endlessly hilarious.

“When I’m around you, I kind of feel like I’m on drugs. Not that I do drugs. Unless you do drugs, in which case I do them all the time. All of them.” The dialogue’s great.  Just sayin’

Second, I am totally digging the cast! I’m a big Michael Cera fan from Arrested Development and Juno, so I was obviously excited for him to break out with something different and allow him to shine a little bit.  No more George Michael for this dude.  On that note, how about Mae Whitman, ANN of all people, showin’ up as the weirdo lesbian ex? (Okay, they’re ALL weirdos, but it being Ann makes it that much more weirdified).  Yeah, wasn’t expectin’ that one.  But besides Cera, Mary Elizabeth Winstead is pretty good as our quirky lady Ramona, Kieran Culkin is entertaining as Scott’s gay roommate, Ellen Wong as Knives, Alison Pill (yay Dan in Real Life!), Anna Kendrick, Brandon Routh, and Jason Schwartzman, Chris Evans, Aubrey Plaza and basically any other minor character are all freaking awesome.

I also wasn’t expecting to enjoy the music of Sex-Bob-Omb quite so much as I did.  But I’m still listenin’ to it!  ”We are Sex Bob-omb. We are here to sell out and make money and stuff.”

I guess my favorite thing about Scott Pilgrim is that it never gets boring.  Think about it, seven epic fights – and I never got tired of watching them battle it out, video game power-ups and all (LOVE the coins!!)  The pacing is perfect: fast but not too fast.  It’s stylistic, it’s edgy, it’s quirky, it’s lovable! More times the one I’d laugh to myself, “What on earth am I watching?”  I’ve heard multiple arguments that it’s trying too hard to be hipster cool and not spending enough time in the real world.  I disagree, I think it’s totally hipster cool, but strangely grounded.  And I, for one, loved the Seinfeld scene.

It’s visually electrifying – all of the bright colors and VG embellishments.  Edgar Wright (Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz) created something fresh and stellar that brightens our decade.  Granted, it ain’t everyone’s cup of tea, but it’s freaking awesome, man.  8/10

Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love The Bomb (1964)

I love it when I don’t know too much about a movie.  Of course I’d heard of Dr. Strangelove (what movie-lover hasn’t) but I can honestly say that I was unfamiliar with the premise.  All I knew were images of Peter Sellers looking like a mad scientist who was undoubtably Strangelove, a crazy.  Maybe if I paid more attention to the title I’d gain some sort of intuition that a nuclear war might be involved.

Peter Sellers stars times 3 alongside George C. Scott in this Stanley Kubrick dark-comedy classic.  Psychotic General Ripper (Sterling Hayden) of the US Air Force issues a nuclear attack on Russian soil as part of “Plan R,” an emergency war plan meant to surpass the President’s authority in case of his death in an attack by the Soviets. Meanwhile a team of politicians and President Merkin Muffley, alive and well, (Sellers 1) meet with General Buck Turgidson (Scott) in the war room (no fighting in there) to frantically bring it under control.  As part of “Plan R” already airborne B-52s, however, have no means of being reached without a three digit pass code to recall the bombers.  Oh yeah, and the Rooskies have a super-secret “doomsday machine” that will blow up the whole world if they’re attacked.

Captain Lionel Mandrake (Sellers 2), executive officer to General Ripper, learns through pop-music on the radio that we are not, in fact, at war and attempts to convince Ripper to recall the bombers.  When he doesn’t, Ripper locks Mandrake in his office.  They have good times chatting about fluoridation and purifying bodily fluids and commies and women and how politicians can’t be in charge of war.

Also in the War Room is Dr. Strangelove (Sellers 3), an ex-nazi weapons man in a wheel chair with hand problems – but it’s cool because no one in the room finds it abnormal that he attempts to strangle himself every few minutes.  He addresses the President as Mein Führer several times and seems to know a thing or two about doomsday-ness.

Now THIS is the right attitude to have about the end of the world.  Let’s welcome that apocalypse with yee-haws.  The main thought floating through my head while watching was “what CAN’T Kubrick do?”  He’s no man of consistency.  I’d never guess he’d throw a comedy into his repertoire though, and it’s kind of crazy how good it is.  The script combined with the spontaneity and perfect delivery of the actors is hilarious satire.

First of all, Peter Sellers rocks this show.  The Pink Panther can do it all and some. Three (could have been FOUR) roles for the man and he’s just as hilarious in each part.  Conversing with the President of Russia (“Now, I’m just as sorry as you are!”) or blasting off Coke machines (If you don’t get the President of the United States on that phone you know what’s going to happen to you? You’ll have to answer to the Coca-Cola Company.”) or that iconic last scene as Dr. Strangelove… Sellers is genius.

George C. Scott, however, hardly pales next to him.  He, too, is hilarious as General Buck Turgidson. Absurd, and over the top, he embodies that part.  Watching him and Sellers (as the President that is) go at it is a bundle of laughs. Slim Pickens as ‘King’ Kong (would you get a handle of these names?) is also a highlight as the Texan Major in one of the B-52s, and though Sellers would have been good in this role, Pickens is awesome.  ”Two pairs a nylon stockin’s. Two pair a prophylactics. Shoot, a fella could have a good time on this in Vegas.”

It’s a comedy in its own way, but it isn’t comedic.  It’s impeccably relevant with the Cold War fear.  It’s a dark subject, but it makes us laugh at that fear of all things.  It does what political satire does best.  It’s all about laughing at the people who don’t know that there is something funny about them.  It’s subtle, but outrageous.  I love that it can get us ROFLing and be a piece of art at the same time.  It’s got Kubrick’s touch in the camerawork and film-noir elements.

This accompanies 2001 as some of the best freaking amazingness that ever came out of Stanley Kubrick. Though I love My Fair Lady I do wonder at which is better suited for the Best Picture title… One of the greatest WTF endings in the business, “Mein Führer, I can WALK!” and this classic will always be just that, a classic.  9/10

The Graduate (1967)

And here’s to you, Mrs. Robinson.

Dustin Hoffman stars as Benjamin Braddock, who recently completed his undergrad and is deciding what to do with his life.  The film begins at the Braddock’s home in California where his parents are throwing him a graduation party.  Embarrassed, frustrated, uncomfortable, he escapes and stares at his fish.  Mrs. Robinson (Anne Bancroft) – wife of Ben’s father’s law partner and family friend, she also doesn’t have a first name apparently – finds Ben hiding.  Asks him for a ride home… asks him in the house… offers him a drink… turns on music… starts taking off her clothes…. “Mrs. Robinson, you’re trying to seduce me.”  Ben’s a little taken aback by these advances of a 40 somethin’ year old woman and panics his way out of the house.  But with no direction, he doesn’t stay horrified for long.  He soon arranges their first rendez-vous at a hotel and their affair awkwardly begins.

He’s basically living the life.  Sun bathing and piña coladas in the pool by day… meeting the woman at night.  In one of their rare discussions, Mrs. Robinson forbids Ben to ever date her college-aged daughter, Elaine.  Ben’s reluctant to promise anything but doesn’t care much for the Robinson daughter so he agrees.  Too bad his parents do care.  They coerce him  into taking her out when she returns from Berkley.  With his affair between Mrs. R completely over, and despite his initial efforts to ruin their date, he starts to fall for the cute, full of life Elaine.  I’ll let you imagine where that might lead.

The great thing about The Graduate is that it takes its time.  One of the best scenes in the movie is a simple conversation between Mrs. Robinson and Ben.  The scene is quite long with many pauses, but it is one of the greatest crafted scenes I have ever seen.  Ben is flustered with their exclusively physical relationship, and starts asking Mrs. Robinson questions.  We glimpse his eyes grow with wonder, we watch her eyes fill with pain.  There’s so much sadness and so much growth.  Needless to say the script is impeccable.  Witty, satirical, but deep.

The rest of the movie is developed in a similar fashion.  The pacing is greatly due to the music of good ol’ Paul and Art.  ”The Sounds of Silence” is so perfect for the movie (as, of course, is “Mrs. Robinson”) and there are many scenes with nothing but.  It miraculously never drags.  Ben drives to see Elaine…. Ben slowly sinks in his pool, full of apprehension (great moment)… Ben lying in his pool… very little action.  I grew up listening to Simon and Garfunkel, but I never knew they were this cool.  The sounds of silence can speak so much louder than dialogue.

The Graduate is primarily a comedy – the script is evidence of that.

Ben: “Where’d you do it?”
Mrs. Robinson: “In his car.”
Ben: “What kind of car was it?”
Mrs. Robinson: “Come on now.”
Ben: “No, I really want to know.”
Mrs. Robinson: “A Ford.”
Ben: [laughs] “That’s great.  So Elaine Robinson got started in a Ford…”

It’s a funny movie, but it’s not just funny.  It’s a character study.  It makes you laugh, but I’d mostly say that it makes you smile at the realism.  The second half of the movie is greatly different from the first, its dynamic changes as Benjamin changes.  His and our attentions shift to Elaine, and his pursuit to win her over.  (Some great scenes there too… man I could rave about this whole movie scene by scene if I really wanted to).

Good acting? Check.  For me, it’s weird to think that Dustin Hoffman hasn’t always been the top dawg in his business.  I mean, this is the guy that did Rain Man, Kramer vs. Kramer, Tootsie, All the President’s Men… He’s been “the man” my whole life.  But nobody knew Dustin then.  Everyone knew Dustin after Benjamin Braddock.  Even without D. Hoffman, though, Anne Bancroft is sensational.  You hate her, you feel sorry for her.  The rest of the acting is solid as well, mainly Katherine Ross.

This film was one of the few to win the Best Director Oscar and not Best Picture.  Mike Nichols is the man.  It was nominated for basically everything else, though, including Cinematography (excellent – a constant visual treat) and Screenplay (also excellent).

And how ’bout that end?  The wedding crash to top all wedding crashes.  ”It’s too late.” “Not for me!” (Granted, that IS a relationship I’d love to see in the future… how could YOU handle being with someone that had slept with your mother?)

I can’t rave enough.  With these acclaimed classics that I’d never seen, it’s difficult sometimes to figure out if you love it because you know you should love it, or if you actually love it.  I didn’t want to hand out a 10 just to conform.  But the more I thought about it, the fewer things I disliked.  This movie is excellent on all fronts, and truly should be considered a classic.  10/10

oscars to the 83rd

It’s that time again guys.  I don’t know why I don’t get so excited for these.  But I do.  So don’t judge.

Some People Predict 2011. Go.

PICTURE: The Social Network

So King’s Speech has been getting the buzz lately, it took the SAG awards.  But I’m still sticking with the Facebook movie.  It’ll be close – this the toughest competition of the bunch.  Well, this and Director.

DIRECTOR: David Fincher – The Social Network.

And oh why wasn’t Christopher Nolan nominated for this??? Didn’t they add ten slots basically because of The Dark Knight’s omission in 2009? Sheesh.  That man better get his someday.

ACTOR: Colin Firth – The King’s Speech

I’m not as Mr. Darcy sick as many of my female friends… but I still love this man.  This is a crazy-great category though – I’d pull for Jessie Eisenberg, James Franco, Firth, AND Jeff Bridges if I could. I don’t know much about Biutiful, but Javier Bardem is always good too.

ACTRESS: Natalie Portman – Black Swan

Yeah, I don’t have anything to say about this category. Go Natalie.

SUPPORTING ACTOR: Christian Bale – The Fighter

Love this guy, glad he’s getting some recognition.  I’m also glad Mark Ruffalo got a nom, I’ve liked him for a while.  I wish Andrew Garfield got somethin’ though!

SUPPORTING ACTRESS: Melissa Leo – The Fighter

I’m probably plugging for Amy Adams, though I’m stoked Hailee Steinfeld got a nod even if it should have been Best Actress.

ANIMATED FEATURE: Toy Story 3
I wish Tangled had been nominated.  But this deserves it no doubt.

ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY: David Seidler - The King’s Speech
I’m still plugging for Chris Nolan with Inception…
ADAPTED SCREENPLAY: Aaron Sorkin – The Social Network
I already obsess over Aaron Sorkin with his work on The West Wing.  That guy can write.
CINEMATOGRAPHY: Inception
This is a tough one.  It’s this or True Grit.
ART DIRECTION: Alice in Wonderland
Yeah, I just said Alice in Wonderland. Though the night before the Oscars I may change that to King’s Speech.
COSTUME DESIGN: The King’s Speech
They always go for the period pieces.
DOCUMENTARY (feature): Inside Job
DOCUMENTARY (short): No freaking idea.  Killing in the Name?Because I’ve heard of it?  This also may change.  Because I just don’t know.
FILM EDITING: Social Network
I would have said Inception, sealed deal but oh wait it’s not nominated…
FOREIGN PICTURE: Incendies
This is another tough category because these guys never get famous until after they win.  Maybe I should be better and pay attention to foreign films all the way along but eh, not worth it.
MAKEUP: Barney’s Version
I guess? Anything but Wolfman right?
MUSICAL SCORE: The Social Network – Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross
I’m for Hans Zimmer with Inception. And I think it’d take second.
ORIGINAL SONG: “Coming Home” – Country Song
Because it’s a country song… But it should be Randy Newman for Toy Story 3
SHORT ANIMATED: Day and Night
I’m saying no contest?
SHORT LIVE ACTION: God of Love
Because I’ve heard of it?
SOUND EDITING: Inception
It. has. to. be.
SOUND MIXING: Inception
VISUAL EFFECTS: Inception

Looking forward to the 27th folks. See ya then.